No, I Didn't Die (At Least Not Yet)

I'm alarmed to discover that I haven't posted for over two months. Not much of a blogger, am I? I've said it before, but I'm going to try to post more regularly. Yeah, yeah, sure.

Have any of you read the provocative book Sex at Dawn?

Seattle weather, even in the summer, is sometimes dismal.
The loquacious Newt Gingrich remarked. . .
Mitt Romney was called a callous jerk in a recent column.
Netiquette refers to online manners.

Okay, that's all for today.

Words Matter

Not that you probably need to be reminded of that.

There are at least two instances where presidential candidate Mitt Romney chose the wrong word when trying to express himself:

1. When he talked during the primaries about being a "severe" conservative, that's not what he really meant. He was trying to claim, not exactly convincingly, that he had always been a "staunch" conservative. That would have been a superior word choice. Instead, the word "severe" continues to be perpetuated by commentators and analysts.

2. When he talked about the issue of same-sex marriage being a "tender" matter, what he really meant was that it is a "delicate" matter.

Just a couple examples of how important it can be to express oneself precisely.

Vibrant Verbs to Describe Sports

Don't settle for "beat" or "defeated," especially when the game was a rout:

A: Alabama annihilated Arkansas
B: Baylor battered Boston College
C: Colorado clobbered Canisius
D: Detroit destroyed Drake

You get the idea . . .

A Few Favorite Words

Definitions for words you probably already know, but maybe don't use in situations where they would be appropriate (see if you can use one or more of them tomorrow):

debacle: a sudden, disastrous overthrow or collapse; rout; ruin [wasn't there a book about the Iraq war with this title?]

revile: to denounce with abusive language; rail against [TV personality Rachael Ray was once described, perhaps gratuitously, as "reviled" in some article I read about her]

putrid: (3) corrupt; morally rotten  (4) extremely objectionable; vile

upbraid: to reprove sharply; scold or chide vehemently; censure

Need to Quit Disappearing

Have I really been gone for three weeks?

Some commentary on certain fashions from the TV show "Project Runway" in October 2011:
"Disco Halloween"; "looks a little like a clubfoot"; "looks tortured"; "her ass exposed in Olivia Newton John leggings"

I Have a Vision

That someday I can convince people from all around the world to utter the same word at the same time in global synchronicity, in an effort to encourage the use of more expressive and vivid language. Words such as:

diabolical; scathing; jubilant; luscious; panache

Details to be forthcoming.

They Know Better Than You

Or so they think. Here are a few words regarding such people:

sanctimonious: making a pretense of piety or righteousness [some religious charlatans]

pietist: someone who is affectedly or exaggeratedly pious [see above]

Babbitt: a member of the American middle class whose attachment to its ideals is such as to make of him a model of narrow-mindedness and self-satisfaction. Used disparagingly. [After the main character in Sinclair Lewis's novel Babbitt.]

Some Useful Words

A hearty eater is a "trencherman," though more commonly known, perhaps, as a "glutton."
One word for an ill-tempered woman is "Xanthippe" (the name of Socrates' wife), who was known to be highly disagreeable.

How does one describe the voices of Tom Waits and Charles Bukowski? Perhaps with one of these three words:

husky: hoarse with or as if with emotion
throaty: heavy, thick, and deep as if from the throat
smoky: having a low throaty quality

Answers to "Which Movie?"

"Young Frankenstein"
"It's a Wonderful Life"
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
"A Christmas Carol" [1951 Alastair Sim version]

Which Movie?

"abby normal"
"old mossback George"
"watery tart"
"I'll retire to bedlam" [may have used in previous post]

More Useful Phrases and Words

infectious laughter
insufferably grim
diabolical villain
stimulating conversation
biting cold

A few favorite words:

putrid: extremely objectionable; vile [Rush Limbaugh, at times]

vilify: to defame; denigrate [what politicians do to their opponents, on occasion]

drivel: stupid, childish, or senseless talk; twaddle [the prattle of local newscasters]

"Decrepitude" and Other Serviceable Words

decrepitude: the state of being decrepit; weakness; infirmity

crone: a withered, witchlike old woman

odious: exciting hatred or repugnance; abhorrent; offensive

Some phrases you could use:

incendiary rhetoric
fiery speech
glaring error
scathing review
withering critique

When Something Unfathomable and Unimaginable Happens

Express your outrage. Call it what it is: reprehensible (deserving of rebuke or censure; blameworthy), deplorable (worthy of severe reproach), or despicable (deserving of contempt or disdain; mean; vile).

Some bonus words you might find occasion to use:

fracas: a disorderly uproar; noisy quarrel; row; brawl
lurid: causing shock or horror
squalid: (1) having a dirty or wretched appearance (2) morally repulsive; sordid

The Internet, as defined by Urban Dictionary: A vast array of pornography and advertisements.

The Incomparable Urban Dictionary

A few random definitions from their first published volume:

blunt: A cigar that has been hollowed and refilled with marijuana.

I sat outside all day, sippin' on my 40 and smokin' blunts.

dawg: Friend. Usually informal and often used as greeting. Also "dogg."

I heard you're so fat you have your own zip code! No offense, Santa, you know you're my dawg.

that's what I'm talking about: Statement of agreement. Used even if you've never talked about the subject before.

Dude #1: Look at that chick!
Dude #2: That's what I'm talkin' about!

I'm Finally Back

I've been away for an unforgivable amount of time. Really going to try to post at least something brief every day from now on.

I'm constantly collecting words/phrasings that I see in the newspaper or online, hear on the radio or TV. I then try to use as many of them as possible, which is the best way to fix them in your mind. Some recent examples of interest:

antiquated systems
august: (1) inspiring awe or admiration; majestic (2) venerable for reasons of age or high rank
baleful [a marvelous word] (1) harmful or malignant in intent or effect (2) portending evil; dire
blistering heat
derelict: adj. (1) neglectful of duty or obligation; remiss; delinquent n. (1) a social outcast; vagrant
searing criticism: to char, scorch, or burn the surface of with or as with a hot instrument
whimsical: (1) capricious; playful; arbitrary (2) unusual; fantastic; odd

Famed humorist Robert Benchley came out of a Manhattan restaurant and said to a uniformed man at the door, "Would you get me a taxi, please?" "I'm sorry," replied the man. "I'm an admiral in the United States Navy." "All right," said Benchley, "then get me a battleship."

Words for All Occasions

It pays to have the right words at your disposal, no matter what the situation. Try using some of the words below when you have the opportunity.

You win the lottery. How do you feel? Maybe jubilant, elated, euphoric, or ecstatic?

You want to recommend a book that you're reading: Rather than saying it's merely a "good" book, describe it as absorbing, engrossing, or riveting.

A few alternatives to "laughing": chortling (coined by Lewis Carroll); chuckling; giggling (mostly the province of teenage girls?); guffawing (exclusive to older guys?); tittering.

A "friendly" or "nice" person: use something fresh, such as affable (Larry David was just trying to be that in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm); amiable ("Why wasn't he amiable in his lifetime?," Mrs. Dilber wonders in A Christmas Carol with Alistair Sim); gregarious; personable.

Answers to February 27 Quiz

The unforgettable Spy magazine once called Nancy Reagan a "pinch-faced doxy."
The novel Running With Scissors featured a "dry-cleaned son."
The words "staggeringly popular" were uttered in Monty Python's cheese shop sketch.
"Out, vile jelly!" is from Shakespeare's King Lear.
Woody Allen films: "homunculus" is from Manhattan and "jejune" is from Love and Death.
Mel Brooks' complaint about failing to get a "harrumph" out of a certain person was spoken in Blazing Saddles.

Another Entertaining Word Quiz

What magazine once described Nancy Reagan as a "pinch-faced doxy"?What contemporary novel spoke of a "dry-cleaned son"?
In what Monty Python sketch were the words "staggeringly popular" uttered?
In what Shakespearean play are the words "Out, vile jelly!" spoken?
In what two Woody Allen movies will you find the words "homunculus" and "jejune"?
What Mel Brooks movie features the line "I didn't get a harrumph out of you"?

Answers to follow later this week.

Everybody Talks About the Weather, But Nobody Does Anything About It

I think one reason I am on this earth is to encourage my fellow travelers to use the language more expressively and creatively--and to convince them it will be a satisfying experience to do so.

I'm going to be talking for a moment about trying to banish--or minimize--uttering the most overused word in the English language (with the possible exception of "like"): "nice."

I think that the average person would be shocked at how often he or she uses that word to the exclusion of so many other words that are more vivid, precise, colorful. As George Carlin once sagely observed: "Nice is a weak word; doesn't have a lot of character."

So the next time the weather outside is sunny, pleasant, and warm, don't exclaim to a friend as you head outside, "Oh, it's such a nice day!" How about "What a glorious day!" Or "It's gorgeous out today." Or "The weather is spectacular today!"

I once heard a guy in Seattle exclaim as he saw a fancy Italian sports car--it was a Ferrari or Maserati--parked near where he was walking: "What a nice car." Really? That's the best you can do? How about a "beautiful" car or "magnificent" car or "fabulous" car? You know those words. Use them!

Want to immediately enliven your vocabulary? Pretend the word "nice" doesn't exist. Every time you sense that you're about to say it (or write it), whatever the situation, pause and choose a different word. Believe me, there always is one.

Bonus obscure word of the day: "discalceate." It means to take your shoes off. Disarrange the hosts at the next dinner party you attend by inquiring whether they would have any problem if you were to discalceate at some point during the evening.

A Gallimaufry of Words

acerbic
appetizing
atrocious
deranged
despicable
drivel
expunge
hyperbole
lout
opulent
tantalizing

You probably know what most (or all) of these words mean: ever use them in a conversation or an e-mail?

Being popular is important. Otherwise, people might not like you.

                                             -- Mimi Pond

Provocative Erotica

Word lover that I am, I want to recommend some erotic anthologies from my library:

The Ecstatic Moment, edited by Marianna Beck and Jack Hafferkamp, 1997, Dell Publishing. From the pages of Libido: The Journal of Sex and Sensibility.
"Over 40 superb stories and poems come together in a daring collection of sensual fantasies, taboo-breaking romps, and forbidden liaisons."

Best Women's Erotica 2010, edited by Violet Blue, 2010, Cleis Press.
"Best Women's Erotica 2010 delivers ecstatic, heady, and heart-pounding thrills . . . and showcases the most daring, best-written erotica of the year."

The Best American Erotic Poems: From 1800 to the Present, edited by David Lehman, 2008,
Scribner Poetry.
"Thoughtful, provocative, moving, and sometimes mirthful, the poems collected in The Best American Erotic Poems celebrate . . . exuberant sensuality. With candor and imagination, they capture the pleasures and torments of sex and sexuality, nudity, desire, love, lust, and the secret life of fantasy."

Enjoy.

Belated Valentine's Day Words

Here are some words that are evocative of love, romance, sex--in all their intoxicating variety. See if you can find a way to incorporate some of them into your life soon:

alluring
callipygian: possessing a shapely derriere
concupiscent: lustful
curvaceous
lascivious
nubile
ogle
racy
risque
seductive
shapely
steamy
toothsome
voluptuous
wanton

A Few Quotes

Cecil B. DeMille returned a script to a screenwriter with the following note: "What I have crossed out I didn't like. What I haven't crossed out I am dissatisfied with."

My father gave me a bat for Christmas.
The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

                                             -- Rodney Dangerfield

I wasn't kissing her. I was whispering in her mouth.

                                            -- Chico Marx

Humor from Richard Lederer

Student bloopers (published in The Revenge of Anguished English, 2005):

The gift that the Phoenicians gave to civilization was Phoenician blinds.
The four gospels were written by John, Paul, George, and that other guy.
The ship that brought the first settlers to the new world was the Cauliflower.
Someone who runs for an office he already holds is called an incompetent.
The author of The Communist Manifesto was Harpo Marx.

Urban Dictionary

A few words from Urban Dictionary that you perhaps could sprinkle into a conversation when the occasion is right:

ego search: to search for one's own name online. Also called "ego surfing."
ridonkulous: completely absurd and laughable
sammich: a sandwich, with connotations of extra goodness. For example, if you pour gravy on a roast beef sandwich, you then have a roast beef sammich.

Women With "Flowery" Names

Why are some women named Rose or Daisy, but you rarely encounter a woman named Snapdragon or Aspidistra?

Funny Words

Which do you prefer: birdbrain or bumpkin? Clod or cretin? Dolt or dunce? Dweeb or flunky? Galoot or goon? Hayseed or ignoramus? Lout or lummox? Nitwit or nudnik? Oaf or pissant? Quack or schmo? Stooge or twerp? Twit or yokel?

Enliven your day tomorrow: try using one or more of these words. Surely you'll have at least one occasion to do so, and if you do, let me know what sort of reaction you caused.

Words from Josefa Heifetz Byrne

One of my most prized specialized dictionaries is Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure, and Preposterous Words. (The Citadel Press, 1976) Not sure if it's out of print or not. Try both new and used bookstores.

A few examples of the gems to be found within:

acalculia: the inability to work with numbers; a mental block against arithmetic (now you know what it's called!)
canoodle: to caress
omphaloskepsis: meditation while gazing at one's navel
lethologica: inability to remember the right word (something I hope to find a way to counteract)
godling: a puny or small-time god

More some other time . . .

Answers to 1/22/12 "Heckle and Jeckle" Quiz

Who said what?

Despicable: Daffy Duck
Excellent: Mr. Burns on "The Simpsons"
Indubitably: Heckle or Jeckle
Ni: Month Python and the Holy Grail knights
Jejune: Woody Allen, Love and Death
Fascinating: Mr. Spock, "Star Trek"
Meathead: Archie Bunker, "All in the Family"
Obtuse: Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

I hope some of you enjoyed trying to figure this out.

Exquisite

A word most of us know but, as with so many other serviceable words, I rarely hear it used in conversations.

I think this word is generally reserved for references to women. Try using it when you have a chance to compliment a spouse, girlfriend, or lover on her appearance, e.g., "You really look exquisite tonight."

Or perhaps to describe a particularly spectacular feature of said person's body, e.g., "You really have exquisite [use your imagination here] or an exquisite [ditto]."

Shemp

That's all I have to say tonight.

Words We Know But Don't Use

Scroll through the following
list of words: How many of
them do you know the meaning
of? (Probably most or all of them.)
Which of them do you recall
using in conversation or writing
over the last few months? Do you
think you can start incorporating
some of them into your daily life?
What I'm trying to do here is
encourage you to actually use
words you're familiar with.
Captivating ______
Bumpkin     ______
Delectable  ______
Seethe         ______
Titillating    ______
Grotesque   ______
Breathtaking _____
Gregarious  ______
Harmonious _____
Absorbing   ______
Browbeat   ______
Detestable  ______
Outlandish ______
Renowned ______
Putrid        ______
Ritzy         ______
Terse        ______
Succulent ______
Exquisite  ______
Luscious   ______
Sultry       ______
Chastise   ______
Affable    ______
Despicable _____
Lackey     ______

                                 

Heckle and Jeckle Quiz

Still getting the hang of how these blog entries are formatted. Obviously the spacing is screwy on my last posting, but presumably you'll be able to figure out what's going on.

Remember Heckle and Jeckle?

Demonstrate your knowledge of words used in popular culture in the following "quiz" without using the Internet. My intent is to highlight how expressive words are all around you. Match the word in the first column with who said it in the second column. Answers will be provided in a future blog entry.

The Word                                                       Who Said It?

1. despicable                                                     a. Heckle or Jeckle, cartoon characters
2. excellent                                                        b. Daffy Duck, cartoon character
3. indubitably                                                    c. Archie Bunker, "All in the Family"
4. ni                                                                   d. Mr. Burns, "The Simpsons"
5. jejune                                                             e. Mr. Spock, "Star Trek"
6. fascinating                                                     f. Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption
7. meathead                                                       g. Woody Allen, Love and Death
8. obtuse                                                            h. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

The Carlin Sketch I Just Recommended

If you're offended by risque humor, you might not want to listen to the last 10 seconds or so of Carlin's sketch. Then again, this posting may send you to the video stat if you haven't already seen it.

Nullify "Nice" and Abolish "Awesome"

Because, as I see it, "nice" and "awesome" are two of the most overused words in the English language, I taught a course with the above title several times at two community colleges in the Seattle area a few years back. Although the number of people who took the classes wasn't that large, most of the students were enthusiastic about the experience. My main purpose in teaching the class was showing how using a wider variety of words can be so satisfying, in many different ways.

You might find George Carlin's "Have a Nice Day" sketch illuminating--and amusing: you should be able to access it by googling "George Carlin" + "Have a Nice Day" + "You Tube"

Some testimonials about the class:
                                "Your vibrant personality made the class interesting and put everyone at ease."
                                "Thanks to you for such a stimulating two evenings. I haven't had so much word fun since I was learning Pig Latin."
                                 "That was a fun class. It was worth the money to find one word that describes my boss: irascible."
                                 "I was truly inspired by the class and impressed with you as an instructor."
                                 "Totally rad class."        

One of my students' assignments was to read something in a newspaper, magazine, or book--or something online--and to write down words they either (a) know but never use in their speaking or writing or (b) don't know the meaning of, but would like to know more about and use.

I contacted then-Seattle Post-Intelligencer sports columnist Art Thiel (who now writes independently) and told him that I always found a number of precise, evocative, and colorful words in his columns, and that I was encouraging my students to use the kind of expressive words he did.

His response, in part: "Astonishment. Huzzahs. Gesticulations. Sometimes I wonder if anyone cares that language is a wondrous tool to be celebrated. You do. I want your class to be made mandatory for all students. To whom do I write? This is a life-saving thing. Yours in the eradication of triteness."

I'm not planning to revive the class anytime soon (maybe someday), but Art's words really inspired me and convinced me that my efforts were worthwhile.

So now I've started this blog as a prelude to a book I'm writing that will include my trenchant (I hope), irreverent, and wide-ranging ruminations on the English language and how we can have more fun using it (just try saying "Bluto Blutarsky" without smiling).